Thursday
I wrote my post about being over Em. and his dickery. I also re-joined OK Cupid in a knee-jerk moment of desperation to feel empowered.
Friday
Em. texted me to ask if I wanted to hang out. I told him I was going out for a beer with friends and said invited him to join. I heard nothing. I proceeded to drink my hurt that night.
Saturday
Em. texted me mid-day to ask why I blew him off. I asked what he was talking about since I texted him back. He said no, he got nothing from me after he texted asking where he could meet me. I told him I never got it. As we’re exchanging these texts, I suddenly got 6 text messages all at once, time-stamped the previous night, from Em., my mother, and some friends. Heh, how about that? So I invited Em. to hang out and talk. He brought me dinner and we had a great night together.
Sunday + Monday
I started to feel my intentions for reviving my OKC account were not wholly pure and good. Sure, I think it is okay to explore and see what is out there, especially since Em. hasn’t made a commitment (though he is exclusive). But… I think it’s kind of a dick move to date people when you’re hung up on someone else and I suspect my motivation for re-joining was at least in part to make Em. jealous. Neither of those things meet my own standards and values for dating.
And then late Monday night I received out of the blue an e-mail from Dartmouth, the guy I was seeing my first month in Portland. He apologized for disappearing and said some things came up in his life that made him retreat from dating. He admitted he didn’t handle the situation very maturely and hoped I was doing well. To quote my friend Ryen’s reaction: Huh.
Tuesday
Em. came over after I tell him I have an awful day at work. I later learned he skipped his company’s holiday party to hang with me (and he likes his coworkers and company). We had maybe our best night together yet; we ate a great dinner and he listened to my work woes and told me I made the tough but right call and I need to stick to my guns (god, how I needed to hear that).
It’s nights like last night that I think if this is what things could be like with Em. always, then it’s worth the wait. But … who knows how long I will have to wait for him to be ready? Or if he ever will? Or if one day he tells me his is ready to be someone’s boyfriend, but not mine?
#TooMuchToThinkAboutRightNow
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ablogaboutheartbreak posted this
