February 2012
14 posts
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I Kid You Not
In October, I was breezing through a design magazine when I saw a short interview with a very handsome man. He was recently named CEO of an local outdoor apparel company that happens to be based in the city I live.
I immediately tore out the page and said half-jokingly to my friend, “Oh my gosh, this is my dream guy.” This was fairly uncharacteristic of me; I’m not the type...
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I had a great date with Mix Tape last night. We met for drinks at a great bar he picked out. He was better looking in-person than I expected (which says a lot because he already looked handsome in his profile) and so, so sweet. He was really interested in learning about me, he asked thoughtful questions and dolled out compliments. It was one of the best first date conversations I’ve had. He...
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I have a date tonight.
And I’m particularly excited about this guy. He is younger than me by two years (a first!), but has a great job in public media, boyish good looks and excellent taste in music. We’ve exchanged a number of witty messages and texts and I sense if it all translates, we may have very good chemistry.
I keep trying to tell myself not to get too excited. Because...
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A succinct answer to why we broke up:
In the end, Em. and I wanted different things: He wanted to be an asshole and I didn’t want to date an asshole.
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What I Know About Love Now that I'm in My 20s →
“I spent hours in diners with best friends debating whether I should end things with a guy, even though I subconsciously already knew the answer. That internal voice is actually there, and it’s telling you what you know you need to do, even if you don’t want to know. Warning: It’s usually pushing the most difficult option, the one that will give you the most peace in the...
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Oh, the irony of my therapist not calling me back to schedule an appointment for me to talk to her about why boys don’t call me back!
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Sh*t People Say That I Hate
1. “You don’t need to be thin. Guys don’t like skinny girls anyways!” Yeah, thanks, but I don’t actually want to be skinny for some guy; I want to be skinny for me.
(And by “skinny”, I mean I want to be lean; my body is muscular and thick. And also, that’s a rude comment to make. Skinny women are beautiful, too.)
2. “You don’t need to...
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On Composure, Pt. II
A follow-up to “On Composure” :
There is little I can do to make this situation with Em. better but there is a lot I can do to make it worse. Sometimes, doing nothing is the best only thing you can do.
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Today I discovered Em. is already dating someone already.
I noticed he recently friended a girl on Facebook and over the last week, she’s liked just about every thing he posted on Facebook. I tried to not let myself jump to conclusions but my intuition told me something was going on. Then today I saw pictures on her wall of she and him at the Oregon coast.
Em. and I talked about going to...
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The Climber is back in the picture.
I signed up again for OK Cupid and within 24 hours, I received a message from The Climber (see brief intro or tagged posts). I went on 4-5 dates with The Climber back in the fall and we had a good time; neither of us were looking for anything serious; it was just casual and fun. I stopped seeing him when I started to develop feelings for Em. and we became...
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Me: I went out with Kate last night to White Eagle. She got a guy's number.
My buddy Nayland: Of course she did, she's a pretty girl in a bar.
Me: I didn't get a guy's number.
Nayland: [Silent, continues to file papers]
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Post-Break Up Routine
Everyone has a post-break up routine. In Sex & The City, Carrie called up her fuck buddy. I have friends who swear off dating for a few months and other friends who sign up for Match the next day. Some girls eat ice cream, some girls eat nothing. (You get the point.)
My post-break up pattern, the best I can tell, is to do the following immediately after a relationship ends:
Cut and color my...
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The End with Em.
Last night Em. and I finally talked and officially ended things. It was the most mature, kind, and honest conversations we have had in the last 7 months. If only we were able to talk with each other like that when we were in the relationship, we probably would not be out of it.
If I learned only one thing from the conversation it was this: I didn’t know shit.
If you asked me to tell the...
January 2012
13 posts
3 tags
Until the very end.
In case there were any lingering doubts, there’s nothing like a break-up to really make it clear how little you meant to the other person.
On Wednesday, Em. texted to ask if we could talk Thursday.
On Thursday, Em. texted and called to ask if we could talk Friday.
On Friday, Em. texted to ask if we could reschedule because he was sick.
On Saturday and Sunday, Em. didn’t text or...
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After this exchange, Em. called me so I would not feel blown off, which was very considerate. He told me we needed to talk and I told him I did not want to have the conversation on the phone. He said he understood and he would come over Friday night.
While we didn’t get into the thick of it, he said the following that kind of broke my heart:
“I didn’t start thinking about...
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Annoying.
Em. last night at 9 p.m.: Do you wanna talk tomorrow night?
Me, last night at 11 p.m.: Sure. I’m available after 7 I think.
[Day goes by]
Em. today at 6:30: Hmm, it might have to be tomorrow then. I’m going to a friend’s birthday party tonight and I don’t know how long it will last or if I’ll have a free minute.
First, you are the one who asked if I was free to...
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The Talk.
Last night, when out at a wine and cheese tasting with a friend, Em. texted me and asked if we can talk tomorrow night.
Nervous. Nervous nervous nervous.
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Heartbreak Round II
Last Thursday when I was driving Em. home after a good night, he made a remark that my job as a college advisor is unnecessary and that college students are “so spoiled today.” I told him I disagreed and why. There was nothing about the conversation that was heated or uncivil, though I was offended by what he said. When I dropped him off, he gave me a kiss goodbye and told me not to be...
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Oh, why hello there!
I woke up this morning with 30+ new followers, thanks to SingledOutinChicago. I’m flattered so many people want to read about my personal life. Thank you, it really made my morning to have so much dashboard love!
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The Ex is Engaged.
My Ex is engaged, to the woman he left me for a year ago.
I literally shrugged my shoulders when I first found out. I was proud I wasn’t phased by the news; all the more confirmation I was so past that relationship and him.
Three days later, however, I found myself in the fetal position on the floor, bawling my eyes out - and the waterworks haven’t really stopped. I can say with all...
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Birthdays in a New Relationship
When you’re in a new relationship, birthdays are a minefield: Do you get them a gift? Do you plan something? Did their friends plan something and will you be invited? Do their friends even know you exist yet? It’s all a trap!
Today is Em.’s 29th birthday. Last month, he said he didn’t want to do anything for his birthday. I HATE it when people say that! It’s a...
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Whoa!
For the last few months I’ve hit a plateau in my weight loss. After losing about 40 lbs. in a year, I was frustrated with the scale not budging but happy that my endurance and athleticism was improving. However, during a class at my gym, I met a trainer who I hit it off with and she offered me a free session to see if she could help.
At our first meeting, she told me to eat more and more...
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“I would rather have crashed my bike and be here with you than had stayed home...”
– Em., after crashing his bike and cutting up his shoulder, face and knee on his way to my home last night.
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In ten years, when someone asks about me and Em., I’m either going to tell them the story of how I met my husband or how I once was 26 and in a stupid dysfunctional relationship fueled by infatuation.
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A Year of Dating in Review
The year 2011 was my first year as a single adult woman. It’s been a year of the highest highs and the lowest lows with not much time spent in the middle.
In other words, it’s been a hella fun and entropic year.
Even when it was awful, it was new, extreme, colorful and intense. I learned a lot and un-learned even more. I communicate and stand up for myself far better than I did 12...
December 2011
8 posts
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"Merry fitness & a happy new rear!"
Holiday season mantra.
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So...we're in a relationship now.
Five months later, Em. said we are dating.
On Saturday night, he mentioned his father asked when he and I were getting married (I, uhh, should explain his father is from Turkey and a little old fashioned). I laughed and told Em. I was surprised his father even knew I existed. Em. said “Of course. Everyone knows about you.”
I told him I had a hard time talking about our relationship...
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Two problems with having a crush at your gym:
#1: You look like your worst when you are working out.
#2: There are always hotter women around for whom #1 does not apply.
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Thursday
I wrote my post about being over Em. and his dickery. I also re-joined OK Cupid in a knee-jerk moment of desperation to feel empowered.
Friday
Em. texted me to ask if I wanted to hang out. I told him I was going out for a beer with friends and said invited him to join. I heard nothing. I proceeded to drink my hurt that night.
Saturday
Em. texted me mid-day to ask why I blew him off....
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“I hate that I’m so ordinary.”
He gets up off the window sill, where we had been talking for hours, and walks over to me. He pulls me gently against him, my head softly buried in his chest. He’s so warm and he smells so sentimental.
“You’re not ordinary. Come here. You’re not ordinary.”
With his left hand he gently lifts my chin and kisses me. His...
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Already talking myself out of it.
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Em.-
You don’t know this yet, but on Saturday I’m ending things with you. I’m not doing it tonight because you decided to stay home and play some computer game instead of seeing me (sure hope you had fun killing those mystical Elven warlords or whatever). I’m not doing it tomorrow night, either, because I’ve decided to go out with my good friends, the same friends...
November 2011
13 posts
3 tags
Last One Standing
This weekend my beautiful sister got hitched. I am very happy for her and her (now) husband; they’ve been together for over 7 years and are an incredibly loving and mature couple. It was a lovely ceremony and I think I made one helluva Maid of Honor, if I don’t say so myself.
Of course, as the middle child and only one of my siblings not engaged, I was asked by no less than four...
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Lazy Sundays
Since talking last week, things with Em. have been the best yet. We have hung out every other night for the last week (whereas we typically only see each other once or twice a week) and he’s been even more affectionate, verbally and otherwise. He off-handedly referred to my apartment as his “favorite place in the world” the other day and the sentiment made me smile real hard. We...
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And then, on Tuesday, there was a knock on my door.
“Hi,” he says. “Can we talk?”
We did; it was good and unceremonious. And then we picked up where we left off, goofing around, holding hands and eating tangerines in bed.
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On Composure
I want to text you oh-so passive aggressive things. I want to make cryptic Facebook status updates that you and you alone would know were about you. I want to change my picture to the hottest one I can find so you’ll know what you’re missing. I want to re-join OK Cupid and go on a 1000 dates in a week. I want to patron the places I know you frequent and coquettishly laugh and touch the...
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Shortly after writing my last post on Friday, I texted Em. saying I wanted to talk.
He quickly responds with “Uh-oh, sounds serious. What do you want to talk about?” (Side note: Funny how he can ignore my request to hang out for two days but responds to this one within 60 seconds. And if he had only responded to the first text, there would have been no need for the second.)
I told...
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Yesterday I got my return ticket from my brief vacation away from reality.
I texted Em. on Wednesday asking if he wanted to play again. No response, not even to say he is busy/preoccupied with work/doing his taxes early.
Is it the biggest deal in the world he didn’t return my text? No. But it was all I needed to remember Em. is too risky to take a risk on right now.
I think I like Em....
“Dating is not personal, although it often feels that way. Maybe because love is...”
– Girl Talk: Dating Isn’t Personal (via fallingdeep)
I forgot that.
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Scenes from a Portland Bar
Last night I went out with a few friends - and I mean we went ouuuuut. I have not been properly wasted since moving here and last night seemed like the right time to put an end to that. Plus, I discovered my new favorite drink, an Italian Greyhound, and naturally I needed to have as many as possible before last call.
At our ending bar, my friends and I were sitting in a corner booth and a guy...
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“There comes a point when you just love someone. Not because they’re good, or...”
– Laurell K. Hamilton (via tulipsandtea)
Reblogging this has absolutely nothing to do with what I posted yesterday. Nothing.
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Less few days ago, I wrote on this very blog (and I quote) “I am no longer interested in seeing The Climber”
…And 48 hours later, I found myself leaving his apartment at 1 a.m.
To be fair, we met for a drink so I could get my ring and bracelet back from him. I left it at his place on our third date and he forgot to bring it to our last one. So when he texted me asking if I...
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October 2011
9 posts
2 tags
It occurs to me I haven’t complained about Em. in quite some time. And that’s because there’s been nothing to complain about. He has turned his act around since we had a conversation about respect four weeks ago; since then, he has been much more thoughtful, punctual, sweet and open.
For example, Saturday night I was on-call for work and I had to leave to deal with a situation...
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One year.
A year ago today I received an e-mail from my then-boyfriend of 5.5 years breaking up with me.
I felt broken, confused and betrayed. Everything in the wake of my heartbreak was uncertain except for one thing: My life was never going to be the same.
And I was right … sort of. My life hasn’t been the same: It’s been so much better.
I look back on the 12 months to realize not...